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[03 May 2005|08:36pm] |
been reading a lot of literature lately, fiction actually, from the likes of gaiman, clancy, ludlum, grisham & puzo....just finsihed reading the novel of mario puzo entitled "FOOLS DIE" yesterday and i found a very interseting paragraph.....
"I suffer, but still I don't live. I am an X in an indeterminate equation. I am a sort of phantom in life who has lost all beginning and end"
according to the text this line was taken from Dostoevsky. based on the surname i surmise that this writer is of Russian descent and was regarded as one of the eminent big wigs in literature back then. the exercept seems ambigiuous but its really striking.
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[21 Apr 2005|04:19pm] |
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trying out this live journal client..havent updated for quite some time.....so many things been happening...continue this next time....peace out..
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| the week that was...I SHALL GO THE DISTANCE |
[14 Aug 2004|07:23pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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go the distance - michael bolton |
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a lot has happened this week....im so drained...i havent been doing that well in my tests. i guess im just really unlucky this week, but when i told this to my mom she said "wala yan, frame of mind mo lang yan." well, i guess she's right. i study my ass off every night, yet i'm still not perfoming that well. it's a mind game now. the word mental conditioning comes into play. just have to conidtion my mind and constantly reaffirm myself that i can overcome whatever comes my way. i know i can do this. looking at where i am now, i am at the bottom. im so familiar with this awful place eversince i got my first failing mark in grade school. my contempt of being situated here is as strong as ever.
damn...WORK WORK WORK!....i can do this......i just have to suck up the punches i recieve from life...or better yet i must learn how to roll with the punches i get and thus emerge as a better and stronger person...there is still enough time to catch up, and i promise to myself that i will go the distance...i will..i can...go the distance!
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| damn pc |
[10 Aug 2004|09:36pm] |
!@#$~! i've been typing two journal entries and a pop closing my explorer keeps on bugging me. damn! what a week...i'll try to type some other time..stress mode building..............
"I find bliss in ignorance, the less i hear, the i less i take..."
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| damn...stress... |
[05 Aug 2004|06:55pm] |
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i've hit the weights again and damn it feels so good to pump iron. the pain and soreness you feel is something which is really incredible. damn, i think i overdid my bicep curls. my friggin joints hurt. anyway, have to finish my filipino paper which is due tom. so much for making a journal entry. ciao peeps.
"Cogito Ergo Sum" - I think therefore I am
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| smoochies... |
[22 Jul 2004|02:24pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make
sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully,
it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into
you playing the dominant role MEORW!
What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
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| ewan... |
[09 Jul 2004|01:10pm] |
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im stuck here at the ctc open lab getting my money's worth of "high"-speed internet...imagine this cost 500 bucks according to the tuition break down so i might as well use it....its been quite some time since i last wrote here and lots of things have happene. for one, we moved back to our house. at long last i'm back in my own abode. the place where i grew up and spent the last 17 years of my life. however, the house i got used to had a complete makeover. before it was only a one storey bungalo. now, it is a 2 storey house with 5 bathrooms! although everything is new, the smell of paint permeates every corner of the house....waaaaaaah...i'll finish this later...gotta meet my angel na....ciao
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| whata whata.... |
[05 Jun 2004|02:41pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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today was my last day undergoing physical therapy in st. lukes medical center. surprisingly, unlike my prior visits i woke up at 5.30. after which i did my usual morning routine sluggishly. then hopped in our SUV with my mom and off we went to st lukes. the weather wasnt quite so bad. despite the slight drizzle, the climate proved to be very relaxing. the ride going to the hospital was an uneventful one since the throughfares were still free.
during therapy, things seemed to go along the usual pace until i felt an odd sensation in my mouth. when i stuck out my tounge i saw blood. "NOSE BLEED!" surged through my mind and i immeadiately felt the trickling of the crimson ooze down my left nostril. luckily, my PT Cyrus was near. i asked for some ice and applied it to my nose. several minutes passed and the blood finally stopped. this prompted me to return the ice bag and continue my therapy regimen. 2 hours later i was resting in one of the cubicles while my knee was being iced. i had my last talk with my PT Cyrus and his assistant Ian for the last time. stories and laughs were shared for the last time.
so comes to an end my therapy sessions at st lukes. now im transferring to the MORO LORENZO SPORTS CENTER to continue my physical therapy. this will prove advantageuos to my parents and i in terms of distance, gas & time. i could now have PT sessions whenever i have breaks in school.
........................end......................
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| feel so good... |
[04 Jun 2004|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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what a day. i woke up at around 6 am since i have rehab again at st lukes. did my morning routine, ate a hearty breakfast, read the paper & took a bath. life is getting back to normal. im regaining my old strength and im more mobile now. my knee still isn't back to its old 100% self but im doing progress. before when i ride the car, i occupied the entire back seat of our suv. but ever since my immobilizer was removed and i was able to achieve 90 degrees of flexion now i can sit like a normal person. therapy sessions are becoming harder. thank God, i'm an athlete. all the exercises that Cyrus, my PT or Physical Therapist, makes me do are getting harder and harder. everyday he increases the weight which he puts on my right knee and increases my dumbells. all in all everything is great and tolerable. before i heard my PT crack a joke to one of his elderly patients since the latter was really complaining of how difficul their therapy sessions were it went : "Well ma'm, they don't call it PT for nothing. PT stands for PAIN & TORTURE". no wonder they subject you to toture like in the olden times since they hook you to machines which cause tremendous amounts of pain..hehe....
a while ago i had an enlightening moment. i asked myself what i got from this ACL injury of mine. the first thing that came across my mind was of course the pain, anguish, guilt, self-pity and the list goes on. well, from this i guess one would figure that no positive things surfaced from this experience. but such is not the case. looking at it from an objective point of view, the positive points greatly outweigh the negative ones. yes, i experienced pain and trauma (i mean, who wouldnt?!) yet i still got something good in return. for every syringe they stuck into my once unschated ARM AND KNEE i got to meet someone new. countless, nurses, doctors and other medical staff.
truly, one can only understand what it is to be in the top when one plummets to the bottom. one minute i was a normal teenager living a normal on the go life. the next thing i know i was in the hospital emergency room and feeling the cold operating table behind my bare back. walking was something which was a normal task for me. now it is a challenge. running is out of the picture for now. everything i planned in a blink of an eye vanished. nothing will ever be the same. change is on the onset.
no regrets. no what ifs. this is my attitude towards my predicament. sad and pathetic my plight maybe i have to accept it without any regrets. before i thought i was the loser in this battle. but now, i know i am the winner. thanks to all the struggles i endured now i am stronger than ever. each scar on knee and arm will forever remind me that once i was truimphant in a great battle.
"FALLEN WAS I, BUT NOW I STAND EVER READY TO FACE AND JOIN THE FRAY IN THE BATTLE THAT IS LIFE"............"
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| i love my baby |
[03 Jun 2004|05:45pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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people have left me in my life - relatives, love conquests, friends and the list goes on. their departures are things which make my day duller than gray. the mere essence of my life is sucked away as someone whom i have a connection to leaves me. i just cant fathom this undescribable feeling. it is just really overwhelming like being swept by a giant tsunami. haaay...this is pointless...i dont know if i'm even making sense...
all i know is that im deeply inlove with my baby, ma-anne..no matter what happens, she will be my girl..her name is forever etched in my heart..my soul is intwined with hers...together we will bathe in the moonlight..letting time pass bye..with every second trickling away into eternity..i love you ma-anne...
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| Convalesce |
[18 May 2004|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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4 days after ACL surgery and life is as boring as hell....3 more weeks till school and I'm stuck here at home as a full time patient-bum. Most of the time I spend is lying down since mobility is a no no for me in my present condition. Walking, an action which most of us homo sapiens take for granted, is a difficult task for me to perform right now. Due to my surgery, I have to wear an immobilizer on my right knee to prevent movement. Yes it helps in the pain but still it feels like a handcuff of sort. Time and again it reminds me of my ill fate. I still have to count several weeks to be able to walk near normal, according to my therapist. As of a week ago, since my unfortunate accident, basketball will be out of the picture for me for quite some time. A year is the safest for me to once again indulge myself in my favorite sport. Alas, what a fate I have.
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| a new beginning........... |
[04 May 2004|09:09pm] |
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hi there......i'm not really a journal type of a person....just got one to look at the entries of friends and other people...i doubt if i will be updating this journal of mine....nonetheless let's see...anyway, ciao peeps....
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kupz's journal
surprised
